Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...
0nm10wn2feet

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I don't like holidays ....

Oh goody gum drops!!  Christmas is coming ... aren't we all just tickled pink and purple?  No.  Most decidedly not.  Last year sucked ass.  This one promises to be equally sucky, but for VASTLY different reasons.  This year our holidays will suck for economic reasons rather than emotional.  This is the year that we all face what has become our reality.

We, most likely, for the first time in my children's lives, do not have the funds to celebrate the "holiday" in anything that even remotely resembles our traditional form.  I sincerely doubt that we will even have a Christmas dinner.  That's how bad things are at the moment.  All because the Chrysler Corporation can't make a vehicle that can stand up worth a hill of shit.  All because my stupid truck, with only 78,000 miles on it, had to go and die on me.  About a YEAR before the damn thing is even paid off.  Funny thing, you kinda have to have an engine to be able to use the stupid thing, don't you?

I want someone to tell me why my holidays always seem destined to have this shit happen.  I can't remember the last even SEMI-peaceful Christmas we had. It always seems to be overshadowed by strife or catastrophe of some sort.  Yeah, we're all still alive, but without the means to even partake of SOME of our normal 'rituals' this year.  Spending an unexpected $6,000 in car repairs only three weeks before Christmas can really put a damper on things, you know?  And, although my mother tried to help out, it made only a small dent in what was a significant chunk of our income, both present and future.  Since we've been living slightly beyond our means for the past three years, that means that we have now exhausted all available sources of alternative funds.  No extras left.  No emergency fund anymore.

So, MSK is obsessing over how we're even going to pay the property taxes, much less the rest of the regular bills.  We still have two non-related people living with us and they still need to eat, drink, and wash.  We still need to eat occasionally, although I try to put off the store trips as much as possible.  Lately, I feel like I've been living on Coca Cola and cigarettes.  I think someone living in a state that doesn't have as many taxes should volunteer to let me buy smokes from them!!  Ah, that probably wouldn't help anyway ... I'd just get thrown in jail for not paying the damn taxes in my own stupid state.  Blah.

The worst part, though, is that I cannot give my children anything I had wanted to this year.  Nothing.  As a mother, it kills me.  Yes, my kids are old enough to understand and cope with the economic situation.  Yes, they have been spoiled over the years.  But it still tears at my gut just the same.  It still consumes me with guilt that I have squandered so much over the years that could have been used now.  But I still don't have a damn crystal ball, and I still can't find that freaking magic wand.  We'll live through this, we live through damn near anything, I think.  And, what doesn't kill us should make us stronger, but I fear it may just make us all the more embittered.

I sincerely hope, though, that others are not facing equal or worse situations.  I truly hope for a bright, beautiful, warm, caring holiday season for everyone who might stumble across this dour little missive.  Even in the midst of my misfortune, I do not wish to see others in similar or worse straits.  In this case, misery DOES NOT love company!

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