Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

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Here we go again ...

Slept most of the day .... up for odd intervals ... took care of emails, phone calls, sick people, dinner ... back down-guts KILLING me. I'm not sure if this is a simple case of the colitis flaring up again, or if I've managed to do something nastier to myself, and I don't really care at the moment. Since we're kinda between insurance companies, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be finding an "in plan" doctor or what the hell, all I know is IT HURTS. Isn't it a funny thing how constant pain can just drain the energy right out of a person??? I think I can now understand why those people with "fibromyalgia" wanted to 'off' themselves w/Kevorkian's help - it gets to the point where pain is all you can focus on sometimes.

Of course, since I can still force myself to pay attention to other things, people and duties, my 'pain' can't be that bad, can it? I'm betting there are people out there who are shaking their heads, just muttering about how much I love to pity myself. Well, screw that. I made a promise to Steven and I intend to keep that one, if it kills me in the process, pain or no pain. I, like anyone else on the face of this miserable planet, need to 'vent' once in a while. My only outlet, since my 'shrink' is in the hospital, is this journal. So .... venting is done here and not to people who need other things from me ... people who ASK for other things .... people who reach out for other things. Anyone reading this who considers that I'm self-centered, self-pitying, and generally self-absorbed, doesn't really know me very well. Nor, indeed, did they ever take the time to learn.

I've recently been reminded just how much some people appreciate my willingness to extend myself to others. One of Jessa's friends called tonight ... while she was on the phone, Jess was trying to tell her friend how much better she (Jessica) feels because her parents accept her and love her, 'quirks' and all. I looked at her and told her that we could accept and love Angela's 'quirks' too ... and Jess said that made a difference to Angie. Then Jess went on to tell Angie "Yeah, my mom can probably accept and love most of the world, but sometimes that's not a good thing." And she's quite right. I don't discriminate much ... I don't guard myself as I probably ought to .... and the few times I DO feel, for whatever reason, that I can't accept someone, I am usually right not to.

That, however, is water UNDER the dam and OVER the bridge. Things best left to ponder in the light of day, not in the dark of night, when one is in pain and brooding. I'm gonna pop a couple of OTC 'sleep aids' and try to get some more rest. Maybe I'll make it through the whole day tomorrow without needing to lay down much. I sure hope so ... the kids are getting tired of telling people "mom's sleeping" all the time!!

[hasta luego, mis amigos]
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