Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

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SSRI withdrawal is brutal...


A lot. So that I can look back later and tell myself what a crybaby I am. Yeah, that's the ticket. Or... something like that?

Yes, I'm currently dealing with the side effects of going off my antidepressants. Why, you might ask, am I doing something so ridiculous?? Good question. Probably because I don't want to deal with my daughter if SHE were to go through the side effects. Long story, and it probably wouldn't make sense to anyone except me... let's just say I'm a glutton for punishment and I would rather do the suffering than deal with my kids doing it. Oh yeah, and because my health care plan isn't QUITE as generous as some others where it concerns co-pays. Those suckers will KILL you if you've got more than two or three things you need on a daily basis, that's for sure!

Anyway, in all the years I've been taking antidepressants, I've never been told that there were severe side effects to going off the damn things. I just thought that whatever side effects there could be would be more about my depression rebounding than anything else. That is, until this latest undesired lack of medication. This time, my all-too-knowledgeable kid directed me to the following Wiki page:

Some of these side effects are quite nasty, especially the "brain zaps." Add to them the effects of the underlying depression for which one was being treated, and you get a whole batch of crap that makes life pretty damn miserable. I've been dealing with this for a couple weeks now. It feels like it's been a couple MONTHS. BLAH.

On the home front, MSK has been kicking around the idea of going out on the road as an outside salesman for the first time in his life. Helluva way to enter one's so-called mid-life, given that he's been an 'inside' sales guy/assembler since he was 16 years old. This year has been brutal, with a 15 percent cut in salary in February, and another 20 percent cut last month. We were just barely making it (with the credit cards maxed out) before the latest cut... now, there's no way in hell that all the bills, along with the house payment, are going to be even remotely current.

I spend more time working out a grocery list, complete with coupons, sales items and bottle refunds, then I do anything else on a regular basis. I have discovered, though, that I'm pretty good at managing to feed all of us at much the same level of quality & quantity as before with a little creativity and work. Unfortunately, what with the disorienting side effects of the lack of meds, I find it takes me twice as long to work out a menu and all the other attendant things that must be considered prior to store-going. I've gotten really good at deciding what has to go back on the shelf if I get to the end of the store and discover that I've gone over the allotment, but it's harder when you can't even walk straight. Let's face it, at least I don't drive more than once or twice a week, or I'd REALLY have a tough time, right?

So, we're tanking in a major fashion. And the company owes MSK a ton of money, but is working hard on a way to avoid paying him. Thus, even though he's now taken the outside sales job, he can't even GO anywhere to make calls. It's a tad hard to make sales calls if one can't afford even the damn gas to get anywhere. And, since his territory encompasses Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois and WESTERN Michigan, I tend to think he'd need major amounts of gas to actually VISIT his territory. MOAR BLAH.

In an effort to keep the wolf from getting as far as the living room (the fucker is already in the damn door, doncha know?), MSK has now gutted his retirement. Yuppers, he cashed in most of his 401k and took a massive penalty hit - but at least the house will be paid off. We won't have to worry about losing it when we only owed about $20,000 left on the damn thing. Of course, that makes me wonder if it was even worth it... it WAS, at one time, appraised at $350,000. Bet we'd be lucky to see even half that now. Eh, water over the bridge and under the dam. It's ours now, whether it is worth what it once was or not. I'm wondering if maybe I broke a freakin' mirror or something, y'know?

ANYhow... now comes the FAMILY DRAMA part. For the past three years, MSK and Steven have gone to Grand Marais for Thanksgiving to participate in the annual hunting of the hooved rodents (deer). Pardon us if we thought it might be expected by now. But NOOOOOOO. The brother-in-law calls and tells me that, if we DO come up, MSK and Steven have to stay somewhere other than at the Camp that MSK OWNS HALF OF. Because JFK's family is coming up, and there will be NO ROOM for the CO-OWNER of the damn place (I guess it's a good thing that JFK's daughter doesn't need a ride from MSK this year, huh?). WTF???

That man has just thrown his 10 years seniority around one too many times for me to even talk to him right now. Then he proceeds to laugh about how he can't remember what it's like to have to make a house payment - well, OF COURSE NOT. He's LIVING, rent-free, in the Camp that he co-owns with his brother. Because of his occupancy, our family can no longer enjoy the place for even the short length of time we used to be able to - between scheduling around HIS family's stays there, that amounted to about one week a year. Now, MSK can't even stay there for THREE FREAKIN' DAYS to go deer hunting any more??? I'm livid. AND I'm GLAD we don't have the money to go up there, even if I will miss seeing the rest of MSK's family (mom, dad & sisters).

We can't even go see them over Christmas either, since my son can't get any time off and I refuse to leave him alone over the holiday. Steven put in for his only time off over two months ago so he could go hunting up north over THANKSGIVING WEEKEND. We might have scraped up the money for the gas, but MSK doesn't want to now. He wants to stay FAR away from any potential drama that his brother might stir up. So, my son misses out on the vacation that he planned TWO MONTHS ago. My husband misses deer hunting for the first time in heaven knows how long. My daughter doesn't get to see her grandfather as she had hoped. And I'm pissed as hell. DOUBLE BLAH.

So, there you have it. More CARP. More whiny, miserable garbage. Told you it wouldn't be worth reading... I'm just sticking it here so I can remember why I thought this fall sucked so bad. I'm sure, once I get my hands on my stupid antidepressants again, things won't appear to be even HALF as gloomy as I think they are. Oh. Wait. The monetary situation and the relative problems won't go away even if I DO have my drugs. Well, it was a nice thought, right?

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Sorry it's so rough right now for you all--from the cash flow and associated issues to the family rudeness. I hope to god you get some relief soon.

Keeping you in my thoughts and sending well wishes.
Thank you so much, sweetheart... the support is much appreciated, I can tell you!!

I keep telling myself that so many others have it SOOOO much worse, and I'm being a baby by whining about this stuff. Sometimes, though, when the disorientation is at its peak, it is hard to remember.

Hope that Scout is doing well and things are going good on your end. I've been trying to keep up with posts and such, but it's been a slog lately. Like I said, however, I'm sure I'll be MUCH better when I get back on the darn drugs!! I know, makes me sound like an addict, doesn't it?? LOL!!

Anyway, take care, and know that your warm thoughts, and wishes, and HUGZ are SO VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!!!
PS - and that didn't sound one bit disjointed, did it? *snicker*
Aww Wiccan

Awwww, kiddo... I TOLD you not to read this!!!

Srsly, though, thank you so much for the HUGS. Frankly, I think you have it much worse than *I* do, what with all of Grandpa's problems and Auntie to deal with. My heart goes out to you, you know that, right?? Even if I can't form the thoughts needed to comment, I still try to read all your posts and keep up with what's going on.

I'm hoping that things are finally starting to settle down a little for you, and that school goes well!

Again, thanks so much for the thoughts... HUGZ right back at you!
PS - I got your PM, and WILL add you as soon as I'm sure I'd be able to make sense in IM, 'k? OKAY!!!

I thought about you the other day and wondered why you had gone silent. Now I know why and my goodness - when it rains, it pours. All I can do is give you a hug, a shoulder to vent on and if I was there, share my jujubees with you.


November 19 2009, 15:53:10 UTC 8 years ago Edited:  November 19 2009, 16:05:18 UTC

My dear friend... no greater love hath one human being for another than to offer to share their jujubees!!!! Srsly! The HUGS and the shoulder are wonderful too, but, damn, jujubees?? To me, that's like one step short of offering to donate blood or something!! You ROCK, no doubt about it.

I feel like an idiot when I do this, so I just duck and cover (ah, fond memories of youth... the 'duck and cover' song!) most of the time. Then, people start to think I'm avoiding them or ignoring them and that's not good either. Other people have it so much worse than I do, and I know this, but sometimes ya just gotta whine - with or without the cheese!! *snicker*

I'm glad to see that my disjointed, rambling, nearly incoherent PM yesterday didn't put you off too much. I hit send, then re-read it later and went "Oh, dear god, the woman is gonna think I'm totally insane!" Sorry 'bout that!! That's another thing I can't do when I'm like this... make sense.

EDIT!!! Dog heaved all over the floor when I went to hit "Preview" and I hit "Post" instead... OOPS!

Anyway, thank you so much for the thoughts and support. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!!!!!!!

Ah, pets - you either love them or you wanna take them for a ride in the countryside.

Jujubees and Milk Duds rule the world!



November 19 2009, 20:34:35 UTC 8 years ago


Your brother-in-law is a bigtime jerk. If you guys do the same thing every year, it's not like he didn't know. Unless he just has garbage for brains, which seems like a real possibility considering that he's sixty-ish and homeless.

I know something that will make you feel better though.

It's National Toilet Day!


What do you mean you don't feel better?

Thank you, sweetheart... even if you were too lazy to log in, LOL!

National Toilet Day

Gawd, you crack me up, regularly, and I love you for it!! Thanks for the laugh, kiddo!!

Wow. Just Wow. I'm glad to hear from you, but sad about what's going on. I hope your withdrawal ends soon. ;(
Oh, thank you!!! HUGS TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!

I know, it seems like I always have these huge, godawful posts about how things are imploding, doesn't it? I swear, the next GOOD thing that happens, I'm gonna write about it, HONEST. I have GOT to find a way to cut the melodrama quotient in my LJ posts!!

Trust me, the withdrawal will end about the time I get my hands on the antidepressants again... which will be about the time MSK gets paid and I can refill my 'script. We sent in Jessa's over a WEEK ago, and still haven't gotten hers. Stupid managed prescription plan... and people think we don't need to overhaul the health insurance system in this country?? HAH!

Hope things are going well with you these days... I'm a bit behind reading your posts, but I'll try harder to keep on top of things. Hope NaNoWriMo is going well!!
*HUGS* I am so, so sorry that things are so awful. I'm crossing my fingers for you that there'll be a break in the clouds and some light'll start shining on you for a change. Good good, are you going off the meds cold turkey? That's horrible..if there's any way to wean yourself off slowly, it'll be less awful, but it sounds like things are in a tight spot. :( Hang in there.
Oh TALLY!! HUGS to you too!

I'm going to review "Gone to the Dogs" SOON... honest!! Well, I suppose I could do it here, but it wouldn't have the same oomph, would it? I'm just SO GLAD you are writing again!! You do, however, need to update us on the kitteh situation, and (ahem) pictures would be nice too? PLEASE tell me there's some good news on that front?

I'll be done with the withdrawal (or "discontinuation" as the drug companies call it) when I can get my 'script refilled. I stopped taking mine so that Jessa could have them (we're both on Cymbalta) while we were waiting for the dumb managed plan to send hers to us. It's been almost ten days now and still nothing. One way or another, I will be able to get back on it in three more days. It's just dealing with the withdrawal until then that gets to be a pain.

The rest of it... well, I know a LOT of people have it worse. It just gets to the point where it FEELS like things are piling up and I need to whine, y'know? Eh, I'll get back on the meds and stuff won't SEEM as icky - besides, it can't rain all the time, right? *wink*

Hope all is well with you, your living arrangements, etc. Again, I'm so glad you found the time to update "Gone to the Dogs!" The first thing I do when I'm like this is latch onto the reading like it's my lifeline, so your update really lifted my spirits!!!
Hey you! Quit letting your worldview get in the way of your happiness!
Some of us got a fallacious existence to get on with here!

We only live once, we all die alone, and we exist to contribute genetic material. Nothing survives the test of time, and the biggest boss-man honcho in the tri-county area will have exactly the same legacy as the guy in the spiderman costume who dances for tips. A lump of rock, and maybe some funny pictures.

Bills will ALWAYS be around, and you can't always pay 'em. Worrying about money is like worrying about time. It's always running out, but as long as you've got friends, they'll always be happy to lend you some of either.

Nobody is going to starve. Shit, the power might get shut off, and you hafta bundle up and read books by candlelight til the dough comes back in, but that isn't the end of the world, that's just somewhere around the middle. Family problems are around too, but thats one happy problem that is self-correcting: The family always gets over it (though it might shrink a bit, as was the case with my aunt Sandy.)

Neurochemistry can suck, but you have [limited] control over that, through your diet and exercise. Interaction, sports, and simple carbs with red wine is my prescription. Best of luck!