Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

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SSRI withdrawal is brutal...


A lot. So that I can look back later and tell myself what a crybaby I am. Yeah, that's the ticket. Or... something like that?

Yes, I'm currently dealing with the side effects of going off my antidepressants. Why, you might ask, am I doing something so ridiculous?? Good question. Probably because I don't want to deal with my daughter if SHE were to go through the side effects. Long story, and it probably wouldn't make sense to anyone except me... let's just say I'm a glutton for punishment and I would rather do the suffering than deal with my kids doing it. Oh yeah, and because my health care plan isn't QUITE as generous as some others where it concerns co-pays. Those suckers will KILL you if you've got more than two or three things you need on a daily basis, that's for sure!

Anyway, in all the years I've been taking antidepressants, I've never been told that there were severe side effects to going off the damn things. I just thought that whatever side effects there could be would be more about my depression rebounding than anything else. That is, until this latest undesired lack of medication. This time, my all-too-knowledgeable kid directed me to the following Wiki page:

Some of these side effects are quite nasty, especially the "brain zaps." Add to them the effects of the underlying depression for which one was being treated, and you get a whole batch of crap that makes life pretty damn miserable. I've been dealing with this for a couple weeks now. It feels like it's been a couple MONTHS. BLAH.

On the home front, MSK has been kicking around the idea of going out on the road as an outside salesman for the first time in his life. Helluva way to enter one's so-called mid-life, given that he's been an 'inside' sales guy/assembler since he was 16 years old. This year has been brutal, with a 15 percent cut in salary in February, and another 20 percent cut last month. We were just barely making it (with the credit cards maxed out) before the latest cut... now, there's no way in hell that all the bills, along with the house payment, are going to be even remotely current.

I spend more time working out a grocery list, complete with coupons, sales items and bottle refunds, then I do anything else on a regular basis. I have discovered, though, that I'm pretty good at managing to feed all of us at much the same level of quality & quantity as before with a little creativity and work. Unfortunately, what with the disorienting side effects of the lack of meds, I find it takes me twice as long to work out a menu and all the other attendant things that must be considered prior to store-going. I've gotten really good at deciding what has to go back on the shelf if I get to the end of the store and discover that I've gone over the allotment, but it's harder when you can't even walk straight. Let's face it, at least I don't drive more than once or twice a week, or I'd REALLY have a tough time, right?

So, we're tanking in a major fashion. And the company owes MSK a ton of money, but is working hard on a way to avoid paying him. Thus, even though he's now taken the outside sales job, he can't even GO anywhere to make calls. It's a tad hard to make sales calls if one can't afford even the damn gas to get anywhere. And, since his territory encompasses Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois and WESTERN Michigan, I tend to think he'd need major amounts of gas to actually VISIT his territory. MOAR BLAH.

In an effort to keep the wolf from getting as far as the living room (the fucker is already in the damn door, doncha know?), MSK has now gutted his retirement. Yuppers, he cashed in most of his 401k and took a massive penalty hit - but at least the house will be paid off. We won't have to worry about losing it when we only owed about $20,000 left on the damn thing. Of course, that makes me wonder if it was even worth it... it WAS, at one time, appraised at $350,000. Bet we'd be lucky to see even half that now. Eh, water over the bridge and under the dam. It's ours now, whether it is worth what it once was or not. I'm wondering if maybe I broke a freakin' mirror or something, y'know?

ANYhow... now comes the FAMILY DRAMA part. For the past three years, MSK and Steven have gone to Grand Marais for Thanksgiving to participate in the annual hunting of the hooved rodents (deer). Pardon us if we thought it might be expected by now. But NOOOOOOO. The brother-in-law calls and tells me that, if we DO come up, MSK and Steven have to stay somewhere other than at the Camp that MSK OWNS HALF OF. Because JFK's family is coming up, and there will be NO ROOM for the CO-OWNER of the damn place (I guess it's a good thing that JFK's daughter doesn't need a ride from MSK this year, huh?). WTF???

That man has just thrown his 10 years seniority around one too many times for me to even talk to him right now. Then he proceeds to laugh about how he can't remember what it's like to have to make a house payment - well, OF COURSE NOT. He's LIVING, rent-free, in the Camp that he co-owns with his brother. Because of his occupancy, our family can no longer enjoy the place for even the short length of time we used to be able to - between scheduling around HIS family's stays there, that amounted to about one week a year. Now, MSK can't even stay there for THREE FREAKIN' DAYS to go deer hunting any more??? I'm livid. AND I'm GLAD we don't have the money to go up there, even if I will miss seeing the rest of MSK's family (mom, dad & sisters).

We can't even go see them over Christmas either, since my son can't get any time off and I refuse to leave him alone over the holiday. Steven put in for his only time off over two months ago so he could go hunting up north over THANKSGIVING WEEKEND. We might have scraped up the money for the gas, but MSK doesn't want to now. He wants to stay FAR away from any potential drama that his brother might stir up. So, my son misses out on the vacation that he planned TWO MONTHS ago. My husband misses deer hunting for the first time in heaven knows how long. My daughter doesn't get to see her grandfather as she had hoped. And I'm pissed as hell. DOUBLE BLAH.

So, there you have it. More CARP. More whiny, miserable garbage. Told you it wouldn't be worth reading... I'm just sticking it here so I can remember why I thought this fall sucked so bad. I'm sure, once I get my hands on my stupid antidepressants again, things won't appear to be even HALF as gloomy as I think they are. Oh. Wait. The monetary situation and the relative problems won't go away even if I DO have my drugs. Well, it was a nice thought, right?

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