Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

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Another day, another ....

dollar less? I don't know. I'm not sure exactly what the hell is going on, but I DO know that I intend to stay out of it as much as humanly possible. It appears that Nik and Will have had a 'falling-out' over their on-line creation. In the midst of their 'discussion' regarding that, Nik was late to get Missa at work last night, which immediately pissed her off (and usually does, no matter WHY he was late). So, she threw the usual "irresponsible," "thoughtless" stuff at him and then proceeded to act like she wasn't listening to him. He gave up and went to his folks' house, and then had to spill his guts three more times so that everyone there would get caught up on the happenings. Plus, with his folks being home, there really wasn't much of an opportunity for him to just get sloshed and pass out. So .... here's the good part. He decided to just up and take off somewhere so he could "think."

Just judging from what I've seen and heard since he's been living here, I know that he hasn't changed too drastically from the kid he was four years ago when I first met him. Perhaps a little less cocky and a lot less mouthy, but overall, still as sensitive to ANY criticism as he was then. He's also just as prone to brooding about shit - with his thoughts and feelings running around the inside of his head like hamsters in a cage. Once he starts focusing on the "downward spiral" of events, it's very hard for him to see the positive, or even to believe that there IS a positive. I'm not sure that him wandering off to "think" alone is such a good thing, but I've learned my lesson in that regard. Unless I have even the remotest idea that anything other than just thinking might take place, I know better than to try to talk him out of it. The only effort I made in that regard was to get him to stick around until today and try to get some rest before he did a bunch of driving (if, indeed, he was driving that far).

He granted me that concession, relieved me of the rest of those Kents that I'm not sure I like and that he doesn't mind, grabbed some munchies and a 12 pack of coke, and hit the highway (or something). I told him that I'm here if he wants to talk or vent, but that I know the last thing he wants is advice, so all I was going to ask of him was to come back in one piece. He said he'd try ... with his usual fatalistic, flippant attitude toward things like that. He didn't ask for any money, but I made it a point to give him some before he left, along with a new lighter. So, I'm reasonably sure that he'll have food, drink, smokes and a light ... the rest is up to him. I hope he finds his own way out of the hole he's fallen into, but I have my doubts as to whether or not he can do this alone. His method of coping in the past has been to say "fuck this" and walk away - it remains to be seen just how committed he REALLY is to Missa, their relationship and their child. I'm keeping my hopes up and my fingers crossed for his sake, although I do know better than to hold my breath!

It is so funny ... he's another of those miscreants that I just can't but help but like. I don't even begin to understand it - I just know that, if the kid asked, I'd have to seriously consider doing whatever it was he needed. I also know that he won't change until he's damn good and ready to ... if ever. I still waffle back and forth between feeling like there's a glimmer of hope for him and despairing that he'll end up just like someone else two years down the road. Nowhere. With nothing to show for it but a pocket full of regrets and a chip on his shoulder about ten feet tall. Another stunning waste of innate talent and intelligence, and why? I have my own answers to that question, but they will have to remain my secrets.

For now, suffice it to say that I'm trying to keep up with the kids in the house, and trying to support them as much as possible. I'm also trying to get as much done as fast as I can on the horse project. I'd like to be able to put some image of a finished product on the web before the show season starts. If I can get that far, I can start lugging examples to the breed and association shows (where most of the well-heeled, proud parents take their kids if they can afford it), and hand out business cards, etc. After all this time, effort and money, I really should start doing something 'worthwhile' with all that data! I just have to find a way to lure people with the rare photos and historys of the lesser known horses in the past and cut down some on the overabundance of info I have on the famous ones. My real problem, though, is that I don't find a single snippet of information about the old horses to be irrelevant. Yeah, I can avoid duplicating the information from ancestor to ancestor, but some of these animals had the MOST colorful breeders/owners and lives that one could possibly imagine.

Seriously, how easy is it to imagine that a horse born in Texas or Colorado in the 1940's could be an up-close relative to a horse living in Michigan today? I mean, they didn't even really have HORSE TRAILERS back then!! People just did not haul their horses all over hell's half acre like they do today. If you couldn't get your good mare to the stud that YOU thought was ideal, you were out of luck, unless you lived near a train line. Back then, people even purchased horses without having seen or ridden them ... just based on the "say-so" of a friend, relative, or trusted adviser. Frankly, I think that was just as well. It certainly delayed even longer the inevitable dilution of the original "Steeldust" or "Billy" Quarter Horse blood with a veritable plethora of Thoroughbreds. Some were quite good crosses on the old horses, but some of them just helped fuel some of the "fad" horses that we still end up dealing with today.

Well, back to the grind. Steven has a paper he thinks he's going to finish in time for me to type tonight. I think I'll grab a nap before he gets going on it ... if it's only four paragraphs, I can certainly knock that off in the morning. Besides, between talking to Nik and Will last night, and feeling like I couldn't shut my eyes, I didn't get to sleep until after 4:00 am. I'm ... as usual .. tired. Later!

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