Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

  • Mood:
  • Music:

On a brighter note ...

I got the taxes done and Expressed yesterday (meaning Thursday), Jessa's boy called twice today, I'm actually LOSING on some of my auctions (good thing), and we have an appt. to see Harvey toDAY (almost wrote toMORROW). Still feel like shit, though. Wonder when I'll stop being so susceptible to 'killer kid viruses?' Maybe never. Probably be what ends up killing me, rather than my stupid disease, or a stupid car accident, or something else really cool, but fucked up. Well, at least I've outgrown wanting to kill myself ... most days, anyway.

Can't do it anyway, since I promised Steven I'd be around for his graduation from HS. Fuck all the promises I made to the others ... they walked away, I didn't. As the song says "And I'm still right here, givin' blood, keepin' faith, and I'm still RIGHT HERE." Why do people seem to think that I should continue to be the only one reaching out? Even my little sister seems to think that I'm so much more 'functional' than my mother, that I should pack my kids up, drive to Kazoo and make nice for Mother's Day. Um, no, I don't THINK so.

If anything, my desire for "hermitude" has increased exponentially of late. I SHOULD have driven the taxes down to Southfield, but I didn't want to drive all that way. When I think back to the fact that I was making two and three trips a week to FLINT this time last year, I can't imagine why I wouldn't want to drive to Southfield, but I didn't. In fact, just taking Jess up to Grange Hall to leave a note and back home was about my limit. Regardless of how crappy the roads are, I find myself wanting to take the quickest route home. And I'm increasingly reluctant to leave early enough to get a decent parking place when I pick them up. I don't even want to go to the grocery store. Interaction with people just seems to suck lately and I can't think of any way to change it. Hopefully, Harvey will have some suggestions.

With any luck, Jess may get her new boyfriend over here to play 'meet the rest of the MOTLEY crew' today. We'll see. I know she's dying to see how he handles the madness that is our home most days. Think about it .... me walking around, muttering to myself most of the time, Steven either burning things or blowing them up, or playing w/the car, and Mark sitting downstairs on his computer playing poker and watching porn. We aren't exactly your normal run-of-the-mill family unit, but then again, we aren't exactly TOO off-the-wall. Eh, he takes it or he leaves it .... it's that simple. I, for one, am done trying to favorably impress ANY of the kids' friends. In fact, it might be FAR better if they didn't like me at all!!! Too tired now to wonder, worry or even contemplate the possibilities ... G'night world!

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.