Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

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For every action, there is an equal and opposite REaction ...

That thought is beginning to remind me of the line my mother used to use on me all the time when I'd ponder the inherent unfairness in the world: "No good deed goes unpunished." It just feels like every time something starts to go right, something else HAS to get fucked up. But, then, that IS the story of my life, isn't it? Well, at least it HAS been .. at certain points.

Lately, though, I really did think things were looking better. Then, of course, reality has to come along and slap me upside the head ... I hate that shit! Ok, so I "broke" the car - that, too, is the story of my life. I was ALWAYS breaking my cars. Well, maybe not actually BREAKING them, but messing them up in some way, shape or form. This time, though, it seems as though I've done a terrific job at it, and Steven is beside himself with grief. And upset. And angst. GOD does that kid LOVE the angst-ridden atmosphere he can create!!!! I keep trying to reassure him that we WILL get the stupid thing fixed sometime this summer, but he is still really upset. Eh, whatcha gonna do? PUNT!

My aching, inflamed joints are showing no sign of getting any better - unless I sleep someplace where I can cool them off consistently, like the sofa. It's really strange ... it almost feels like arthritis, but WARM is supposed to help arthritis, NOT cold. COLD is what feels best when my joints are sore and swollen, NOT warm. Go figure .... again, the story of my life, huh? Yeah, contrary thing, aren't I? And, in the eyes of some, FAR too worried about myself, my family and my own doings. Or am I?? The eternal conundrum, I suppose. Some day, I will be able to figure out what my fucked up insurance does or does not cover, so that SOME DAY, I can choose a "primary care" doctor, so that SOMEDAY, I can actually find out what is wrong with my joints. In the meantime, though, I guess I'll content myself with sleeping on the nice, cool leather and popping TONS of anti-inflammatory drugs. As long as I can get a good three to four hours worth of motion each day, I should be able to manage things adequately. When that ceases to be a possibility, we will have to re-assess how things are getting done and how things will be done in the future.

Like Scarlett, I'm so good at worring about it "tomorrow," though. I was supposed to see my shrink today, but he cancelled on me yesterday ... said he wasn't feeling up to working Saturday. That scares the bejesus out of me ... he's the only person I can depend on to provide me with the things that keep me alive. Of course, I can't tell HIM that, but it still scares me ... Stage 3 Lung Cancer ... what a fucking crappy joke to play on someone that HEALTHY!!! Must go lay down now ... arms and wrists starting to ache and swell, kinda like the ankles, knees and shins. More later ..... au revoir!

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