Thursday's Child ... has far to go ... (0nm10wn2feet) wrote,
Thursday's Child ... has far to go ...

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The guys are back ...

What I wouldn't give to see Brad's face when he finds out that Steven got a deer this weekend ... if he finds out. Bradley was supposed to go hunting with Mark and Steven this year. Too bad he decided that we weren't worth his time and effort any longer. Hope he had a great time bagging nothing more than more points on his video games. Mark is about fit to bust with pride. It seems that Steven got off a REALLY clean shot, especially for a 14 year-old shooting his first large mammal - it went straight through the heart ... perfect shot ... the deer dropped like a rock right where it stood, never even knew what hit it. That is something to both be proud of and terrified of all at the same time, though. It means the kid is REALLY good with firearms - which is good for hunting, but horrible if he ever snaps under the weight of all the social ridicule he's forced to deal with at school. I worry, but as long as I've promised to take my meds, he'll always have someone to 'vent' to and it shouldn't ever get to that point.

He will still have an 'anger management' problem for a while. I discovered, when I called to get refills on my meds, that my psychiatrist is in the hospital, and they don't expect him back at work until the first of next year. That means that I'm left to deal with Jessica's off and on depression, Steven's anger management and my own doldrums again. I don't think it's going to be as bad as it was when Brandon left, however, even though I think he DELIBERATELY did not pick up that package before the holiday weekend just because he KNEW there was a note for Jordan in it. It's the kind of mean, petty thing he'd pull, frankly. Especially if he's angry with me, which I imagine he is. I wouldn't know for sure, nor will I find out in the near future, but I am surmising that's the case. Which, of course, makes little or no difference in the price of eggs or tea in China.

My sister emailed me ... the poor kid had a miserable Thanksgiving, what with her cat acting up and a day-long bout of vertigo from her Meneer's disease. That's one thing I have a real problem with ... I don't particularly like being nauseous, but constantly dizzy would just about kill me. I sincerely hope that I NEVER have to go through that particular infirmity, especially since it would have such a severe impact on one of the senses that I HOPE to keep to the bitter end - my hearing. I still cannot imagine what it must be like for her to hear little more each day than that annoying buzzing, kinda like the buzzing/hissing that used to emanate from stereo speakers, prior to digital sound. I think I would probably go nuts - worse than I've been lately with all the guilt eating me alive. I know she thinks that my "infirmities" with my colon problems are worse, but I tend to disagree.

The only thing, I think would be worse, would probably be to go blind. With my love of reading and writing, I REALLY would go insane. They would have to lock me up in a rubber room to keep me from taking my own life at that point - never seeing the rich, glowing reds, purples, blues and oranges of a sunset? Never again seeing the dark orange of a 'harvest' moon, huge and seemingly about to engulf the earth? Never again seeing the delicate pastel shadings of color on my bone china pattern (it really is quite beautiful ... floral, dainty, cream background and greens, pinks, blues, grays, and touches of yellow with a silver rim)? Never again seeing the lavish illustrations in "The Voyage of the Basset?" I had almost forgotten just how incredible the colors were in some of them. The artwork itself is quite nice, but the way the illustrator used color in it amazes me.

All these things, I would have to count as MAJOR losses, as they now constitute some of the few things that I've rediscovered that I personally enjoy. Indeed, I would be devastated if I could not see for myself, once I've done it, just how richly-colored Jessica's chenille throw will be. The wine, deep blue and black are all going to combine to make a very lovely pattern (if she lets me do it - I was thinking diamonds of color with wide bands of black - to suit her little gothic soul). That's another thing I would miss horribly. Seeing my 17 year-old all "dolled" up in her 'gothic' vamp best .... whether it's a velvet outfit, her satin skirt and some form-fitting, lacy top, that damned satin corset, or something in vinyl or leather .... she's got a drop-dead figure and carries it all off perfectly, especially since it's all black against that creamy white skin, with that dark hair and those huge dark eyes. It still kills me to think that there is no one in her world that truly appreciates both her physical attributes AND her mental prowess. She's well-read, she's quick, she's literate, and she's one hell of a gamer. She's passionate about the things she believes in, equally passionate about what irritates her, and vocal either way. I think she's got a great singing voice (whether it "irritates" Brandon, the auteur, or not), an analytical mind, and enough "background knowledge (as the teachers call it)" to hold her own in any conversation. Damn shame she was born female, since she probably would have made a good samuri (actually probably would've ended up some sort of ninja, but we didn't push enough to get her to take the martial arts training she THOUGHT she wanted when she should have).

But, alas, most of the guys in her graduating class in high school don't really interest her - she's more drawn to those older, since she usually has more in common with them. Not to mention the fact that, beneath that black-as-fuck gothic exterior beats the heart of a true optimist. Strange to think that I actually spawned a child with ANY amount of optimism, much less one that prefers to concentrate on the possibility of things HAPPENING instead of the possibility that they WON'T. I just wish she had not ended up with quite as nasty a case of ADD as her mother. Perhaps she might have been more interesting to others if they had not grown up with her regularly sticking both feet in her mouth, or blundering through some social faux pas or another, or clamming up because her medication removed ANY desire to speak unless spoken to. As they say, though (whoever THEY are), hindsight is almost always 20/20 - but few of us have the foresight necessary to prevent the need to regard things in retrospect. Anyway .... back to another missive to my sister ... the last one left off just before Thanksgiving. Since so much had transpired, it was already horribly long, so I gave the kid a break and told her I'd save the rest for the next installment! In addition, it's getting 'late' and the kids have school tomorrow.

[hasta manana, mis amigos]
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